He Makes Us Lie Down...

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul” (Psalm 23:2-3).

This is one lesson that I had to learn the hard way. The lesson is this: If we won’t lie down, the Lord will likely make us lie down. And He does so for a very good reason.

It’s the old story. When I was in my early twenties, I thought I was invincible. I had boundless energy, more energy than brains as it turns out. I was optimistic and ambitious. The world was my oyster; I was going to crack it wide open and seize the pearl awaiting me inside.

Of course, I justified my ambitions by convincing myself that my desire to make a mark on the world was God’s design for my life. There is, after all, a world to reach. I was simply going to do my part to reach it. So I set out on my path. First college, then seminary. Then my first church gig as a youth pastor.

In all honesty, as my wife and I look back, those early years of ministry were the most fulfilling of our over thirty years of ministry together. But we paid a hefty price for that fulfillment. Out six or seven nights a week. Rising especially early three mornings each week to pray with students before their first period classes at the three high schools where we ministered. Intense involvement on those three high school campuses, plus five middle schools and one college. Endless youth activities. Never-ending counseling sessions with kids, parents, and families in need. Camps. Retreats. Speaking engagements. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings; as so many churches do, we even had meetings to decide when we would have our next meeting.

But here’s the thing. I loved every minute of it. Loved it. Both my wife and I felt as though we were investing our time rather than wasting it. We were doing – as they liked to call it in that particular branch of evangelical Christianity – “Kingdom work.” When our firstborn came along, we happily took him with us to all of the madness, and he happily tagged along. The kids loved him, so it was all good. And as the fruit for our labor, we took a youth group of three (when everybody showed up) and grew it to the point where I can remember having not one but two Bible studies on the same night. (I’d show up at one house and start teaching after the worship set was over. The worship team would travel to a second home and lead those students in worship. Then, once I concluded the first Bible Study, I’d scurry over to the second.) Kids were stuffed everywhere in those homes – all over the living room floor, down the hallway, into the family room, spill out into the kitchen, up the stairs onto a second floor landing. It was exhilarating.

Then came the invitations to speak at some of the premiere Christian camps and conferences throughout North America. I have a vivid memory of counting the nights during the previous year when I was out of town. 137. Meaning that I slept in a bed other than my own over 1 out of 3 nights that year. That was a wake-up call. The one thing I did right – the only thing I did right – was always to take a member of my family with me. So while, thankfully, I did not ignore nor neglect my family, but faithfully protected our time together, I certainly did neglect my soul, and totally neglected my own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. I didn’t even take vacations. I loved what I did, more (it turns out) than I loved myself, and that was the problem. I was headed for a meltdown. It was inevitable. The signs were are there, and abundantly obvious to everyone around me. But I refused to see it coming. Why? Because as I would often glibly say, “I’d rather burn out for God than rust out for God.”

Today, I’d prefer not do either.

So true to His Word, God put me flat on my back. For two years. Because of what my doctor called, “Clinical depression.” I crashed and burned. Yep. Burned out for God.

On the surface of things, I had no reason to be depressed. My wife was happy. My kids were doing great. We weren’t in debt. I was succeeding in my career, doing what I loved. Which became my undoing. The wear and tear of all those years of burning the candle at both ends and in the middle, the countless heart-wrenching stories that I heard but could not fix, the lack of any down-time – ME-time – all took it’s toll.

That’s when I knew I needed help. Thankfully, help was on its way. The loving support of a wonderful family. A doctor who really cared and took the time to listen. Most importantly, a God who loved me enough to put me flat on my back, to the point where I could not function, where for days I did not have the emotional wherewithal to get up and get going. Like the loving shepherd whom He is, God put Psalm 23 into action in my life. “He made me lie down in green pastures, he led me beside quiet waters, he restored my soul.” He did that for me.

Is He doing the same for you?

No doubt about it. The next time life seems to knock us flat, God may well have a reason.